Monday, January 30, 2006
Terminal Gravity Rules
I've been purposely sequestering myself lately.
Today after work I decided I would 'get out'. I walked to the library, about a half-hour walk each way, and hung out. I decided that, during the walk back to my apartment, I would stop at a local restaurant/pub and have a drink. I really, really, wanted a 'Terminal Gravity" and my local watering hole; Turtles, has it on tap. I saddle up to the bar, order up, pull out my writing notebook and proceed to write and drink.
It's funny how karma/fate interacts.
Three hours later i've met Peter, Kim and Thomas. I've discoverd that Monday's are two-dollar pint days at Turtles. I had three pints for four dollars. I've done a little writing, but not much. All, in all, a good evening.
Monday's may have to be "Turtle's" night from now one.
Today after work I decided I would 'get out'. I walked to the library, about a half-hour walk each way, and hung out. I decided that, during the walk back to my apartment, I would stop at a local restaurant/pub and have a drink. I really, really, wanted a 'Terminal Gravity" and my local watering hole; Turtles, has it on tap. I saddle up to the bar, order up, pull out my writing notebook and proceed to write and drink.
It's funny how karma/fate interacts.
Three hours later i've met Peter, Kim and Thomas. I've discoverd that Monday's are two-dollar pint days at Turtles. I had three pints for four dollars. I've done a little writing, but not much. All, in all, a good evening.
Monday's may have to be "Turtle's" night from now one.
Friday, January 27, 2006
After another stint of sedentarianism during January, unlike my 'forced' betrayal of action in December, this month has been terribly unproductive. I've been trying to analyze why, and what to do about it. The solution is easy, right, something like 'just do it.' For some people like me, though, it's not so easy. If you understand the term, 'living in your mind' then you know what I mean. My mind is full of pseudo-action and ideas and plans, but I'm missing some kind of translation link that should run from my mind to my body-action. OK, I guess I'm not missing it, but it definately shorts out on a regular basis.
Don't get my wrong, I'm not lazy as I'm always doing something - working, reading, writing, walking, thinking, planning, bothering sleeping cats, etc. I just don't accomplish the things that I feel that I should be accomplishing in order to move my life forward. These important items are pushed out of the way for things that may in the long run prove to be beneficial, but arn't pressing needs. I fear my subconscious is underminning me, although I don't know why. Stupid subconscious!!
What I really need is a robot overlord standing behind me with a cattle prod so that when I stray I am reminded in no uncertain terms that I need to get back on track. I think that would work.
I'm also considering more drastic action. I'm thinking about just up and quiting my job. How motivating would that be? My main goal in life is to find a new, productive, well paying job to move into and use to start my life over again. Quitting my current job, I hope, would provide me with motivation, or at least when all the bills started rolling in and my bank account starting to fade quicker than the Leafs during playoff time, I certainly hope that I would become desperate. I figure with my current savings, moving into a less expensive apartment, and living as ascetically as possible I could live - no, exist - for a number of years. Knowing the way I think I'd probably actually end up excited by the challenge and happy to try it, so quitting my job may not be the impetus that I truely need.
Stupid Blogs
One thing I should do is spend less time on the internet. With my slow, dial up connection it takes me a long time to accomplish simple things. I have several blogs I like to frequent, email to read, hobbies to pursue, and then throw in random info searches (so that's how eggnog is made, interesting), the hours roll by and I'm left with another wasted evening. At the same time I enjoy the connection, and really don't want to give it up, yet.
Don't get my wrong, I'm not lazy as I'm always doing something - working, reading, writing, walking, thinking, planning, bothering sleeping cats, etc. I just don't accomplish the things that I feel that I should be accomplishing in order to move my life forward. These important items are pushed out of the way for things that may in the long run prove to be beneficial, but arn't pressing needs. I fear my subconscious is underminning me, although I don't know why. Stupid subconscious!!
What I really need is a robot overlord standing behind me with a cattle prod so that when I stray I am reminded in no uncertain terms that I need to get back on track. I think that would work.
I'm also considering more drastic action. I'm thinking about just up and quiting my job. How motivating would that be? My main goal in life is to find a new, productive, well paying job to move into and use to start my life over again. Quitting my current job, I hope, would provide me with motivation, or at least when all the bills started rolling in and my bank account starting to fade quicker than the Leafs during playoff time, I certainly hope that I would become desperate. I figure with my current savings, moving into a less expensive apartment, and living as ascetically as possible I could live - no, exist - for a number of years. Knowing the way I think I'd probably actually end up excited by the challenge and happy to try it, so quitting my job may not be the impetus that I truely need.
Stupid Blogs
One thing I should do is spend less time on the internet. With my slow, dial up connection it takes me a long time to accomplish simple things. I have several blogs I like to frequent, email to read, hobbies to pursue, and then throw in random info searches (so that's how eggnog is made, interesting), the hours roll by and I'm left with another wasted evening. At the same time I enjoy the connection, and really don't want to give it up, yet.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Life has been slow and I have been stagnating, again.
I haven't done much on the job front recently, other than an excursion to check out OMSI and talk with a woman whom I used to work with in NC and she now works at OMSI. I wanted to pick her brain, so to speak, about life at the Museum and in Portland.
It's a great Sci/Tech museum, very big, much bigger than anywhere else I've worked, with lots of interesting displays and things to do. I love science museums, ever since growing up in Toronto and visiting the Ontario Science Center; it was always my favorite place to go for field trips. It was never my inclination to become involved with them as a place to work, but hell there are much worse places to work. But, unfortunately, being non-profit organizations one will never become wealthy working for a museum unless, perhaps, one is able to become president of said organization.
Anyway, back to OMSI. My contact there basically told me that they rarely hire people from outside the museum for anything other than the lowest level jobs - we were discussing the education department. Low level educator jobs don't pay that well, I mean THE DON'T PAY THAT WELL. She told me something like, "You know that pay scale they put into job descriptions, ya, well they pay the bottom end of that scale, no mater what." Her level job pays pretty good, at least a salary I would be comfortable with for now, and it's a hell of a lot more than I currently make. It took her three years to be promoted to her current job. And she has a masters degree.
So, I was rather disappointed. This is the way museums work, for the most part, though. Museums tend to be a 'get your foot in the door' type of workplace, and then you work your way up. There are always exceptions, of course, and specific skill sets that are needed for certain jobs will make them more accessable, put people working in education are a dime-a-dozen. Unfortunately I don't really have any other skills that I can offer to museums other than my education experience. I'd love to get into exhibit design, or conservation in a cultural museum, and I suppose it might be possible for me to do so, but I have limited experience in either area.
I haven't done much on the job front recently, other than an excursion to check out OMSI and talk with a woman whom I used to work with in NC and she now works at OMSI. I wanted to pick her brain, so to speak, about life at the Museum and in Portland.
It's a great Sci/Tech museum, very big, much bigger than anywhere else I've worked, with lots of interesting displays and things to do. I love science museums, ever since growing up in Toronto and visiting the Ontario Science Center; it was always my favorite place to go for field trips. It was never my inclination to become involved with them as a place to work, but hell there are much worse places to work. But, unfortunately, being non-profit organizations one will never become wealthy working for a museum unless, perhaps, one is able to become president of said organization.
Anyway, back to OMSI. My contact there basically told me that they rarely hire people from outside the museum for anything other than the lowest level jobs - we were discussing the education department. Low level educator jobs don't pay that well, I mean THE DON'T PAY THAT WELL. She told me something like, "You know that pay scale they put into job descriptions, ya, well they pay the bottom end of that scale, no mater what." Her level job pays pretty good, at least a salary I would be comfortable with for now, and it's a hell of a lot more than I currently make. It took her three years to be promoted to her current job. And she has a masters degree.
So, I was rather disappointed. This is the way museums work, for the most part, though. Museums tend to be a 'get your foot in the door' type of workplace, and then you work your way up. There are always exceptions, of course, and specific skill sets that are needed for certain jobs will make them more accessable, put people working in education are a dime-a-dozen. Unfortunately I don't really have any other skills that I can offer to museums other than my education experience. I'd love to get into exhibit design, or conservation in a cultural museum, and I suppose it might be possible for me to do so, but I have limited experience in either area.
Monday, January 09, 2006
Work and Dreams
So, my boss was fired this past week. I have mixed feelings over the event. On the one hand I think he was a jerk, and totally screwed me around and undermined my attitude about working at the stink hole that I work at, while on the other hand he did me some good turns and cut me some slack in situations so that a little, teeny bit of me feels bad. He also has a family, two kids, so I hope he is able to gain employment elsewhere, and maybe he can grow from his experience.
The atmosphere at work has been pretty dismal for a long time, though, and I can already feel a change in people's attitudes, my own included. And seriously, he was really, really crappy at his job and did minimal work to try to correct his issues. He really deserverd what he received. He reaped, and he sowed. He was a good mirror for me, actually, in that I have, or have had, similar attitudes towards a lot of things as he has. He allows me to look at myself and say, 'dude, you gotta change some of your behaviours'. Hopefully I can grow from his experience too.
I've been reading up on Gnosticism lately, rather than working on resumes of course, and I'm finding it a very intersting path. I'm not sure why I mentioned it, but what I really want to talk about is a couple of dreams I had many, many years ago.
I had two dreams, bascially the same dream with the main difference being that each was set in a different location, so I will only describe one. I had both dreams very close together, this was about 10 years ago so I can't remember exactly how far apart, but I believe it was within weeks of each other. It being 10 years ago also shows what an impact these dreams had upon me that I still remember them, and am affected by them today. Don't worry it's not a long description as they weren't long dreams. I had these dreams while I was dating the EX
I was in my Grandparent's bathroom taking a bath and enjoying the relaxing, hot water. Suddenly many tentacles arise from the water and wrap themselves around me. I, of course, am absolutely out-of-my-mind scared! They hold fast and I am trapped, I can't even move any part of my body an inch. I try to scream for help, but I can only mumble the words and can barely project any sound from my mouth. I wake up.
During one of the dreams my EX woke me up from it as I had been mumbling and screaming in my sleep. I remember well, I awoke and I was still extremely freaked out, and I was in a place where wake/sleep mingle. I fell into the arms of the Ex and she held me for a while and comforted me. I remember it feeling really safe there.
During the immediate aftermath I did feel safe in her arms, but later I felt concerned about the dreams. This was the start of our courtship and my first serious relationship since I had broken up with a long-term partner about a year before. I think the dreams were a warning; my sub-conscious visualizing for me what my conscious brain had yet to figure out. I was becomming trapped in a relationship, again.
"The point is?" you might be thinking. The point is, is that even though I loved her and cherish the things we shared, I think I knew then that it really wasn't the right path for me, that is getting into a serious relationship. I've been playing with this thought for a long time now, even in the aftermath of the dreams I wondered if it was a warning, and I think my sub-conscious was onto something. I think I shaved off a too many important aspects of ME during my relationship with the Ex, and I think I avoided doing and pursuing too many things that I should have been chasing down.
At the same time, I have no regrets. I've learned much and experienced much the past 10 years. Things could have been better, things could have been worse.
The atmosphere at work has been pretty dismal for a long time, though, and I can already feel a change in people's attitudes, my own included. And seriously, he was really, really crappy at his job and did minimal work to try to correct his issues. He really deserverd what he received. He reaped, and he sowed. He was a good mirror for me, actually, in that I have, or have had, similar attitudes towards a lot of things as he has. He allows me to look at myself and say, 'dude, you gotta change some of your behaviours'. Hopefully I can grow from his experience too.
I've been reading up on Gnosticism lately, rather than working on resumes of course, and I'm finding it a very intersting path. I'm not sure why I mentioned it, but what I really want to talk about is a couple of dreams I had many, many years ago.
I had two dreams, bascially the same dream with the main difference being that each was set in a different location, so I will only describe one. I had both dreams very close together, this was about 10 years ago so I can't remember exactly how far apart, but I believe it was within weeks of each other. It being 10 years ago also shows what an impact these dreams had upon me that I still remember them, and am affected by them today. Don't worry it's not a long description as they weren't long dreams. I had these dreams while I was dating the EX
I was in my Grandparent's bathroom taking a bath and enjoying the relaxing, hot water. Suddenly many tentacles arise from the water and wrap themselves around me. I, of course, am absolutely out-of-my-mind scared! They hold fast and I am trapped, I can't even move any part of my body an inch. I try to scream for help, but I can only mumble the words and can barely project any sound from my mouth. I wake up.
During one of the dreams my EX woke me up from it as I had been mumbling and screaming in my sleep. I remember well, I awoke and I was still extremely freaked out, and I was in a place where wake/sleep mingle. I fell into the arms of the Ex and she held me for a while and comforted me. I remember it feeling really safe there.
During the immediate aftermath I did feel safe in her arms, but later I felt concerned about the dreams. This was the start of our courtship and my first serious relationship since I had broken up with a long-term partner about a year before. I think the dreams were a warning; my sub-conscious visualizing for me what my conscious brain had yet to figure out. I was becomming trapped in a relationship, again.
"The point is?" you might be thinking. The point is, is that even though I loved her and cherish the things we shared, I think I knew then that it really wasn't the right path for me, that is getting into a serious relationship. I've been playing with this thought for a long time now, even in the aftermath of the dreams I wondered if it was a warning, and I think my sub-conscious was onto something. I think I shaved off a too many important aspects of ME during my relationship with the Ex, and I think I avoided doing and pursuing too many things that I should have been chasing down.
At the same time, I have no regrets. I've learned much and experienced much the past 10 years. Things could have been better, things could have been worse.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Job Search: Day 1a
Alright, I know it's been a couple of days since I had my first offical job search day, but life has been tough since then. Every so often I get into a cycle of late, sleepless nights. I'm not sure what causes it, I think stress is a big part of it but not always so. It seems to hit me for several days at least once or twice a month. I won't call it insomnia, but I do spend several days in a row not being able to get to sleep for many, many hours during beddy time.
This has happened to me the past two nights. On Friday I had to be up early for work, and I was running on only 2-3 hours of sleep. It was a full day of work, and needless to say I was pretty tired when I made it home. I decided to throw off responsibilities, went to bed around 8 to do some hardcore reading (my Friday evenings are so exciting), and try to get to sleep at a reasonable hour and wake up early Saturday, another off day, and continue to work on job stuff. And in case you are wondering by hardcore reading I don't mean porn.
My plan would have been sound but for two things; 1. Even though I was so tired and running on very little sleep, it was still the wee hours of the morning before I was able to get some shut eye. My brain was just refusing to shut down!! 2. This isn't of itself a bad thing since I wasnt' scheduled for work on Saturday and I have no qualms about sleeping in, but at 7:30am I received a phone call from work that everyone was sick and they really needed someone to come in and work at 9. Now, I didn't have to answer the phone - I pretty much knew it would be work since no one else really calls me, being the lonely dude that I am - but I did, and I can always use the extra cash, so I agreed to come in and work for a few hours this morning.
So now I'm working on about 5 hours sleep over the past few days. I get home from work with good intentions, but decide that I"m too damn tired and need a nap. It was a good nap, but I still don't feel that refreshed from it, and don't have much motivation to put in the effort on job related stuff. I also need to do some housecleaning and really don't feell like that either, so here I am making a post.
I've learned enough about myself to realize that on days like this I really just need to let non-pressing things go. Restarting my career is very important to me, but whether I find a job in the next few weeks or a couple of months isn't really that important. As long as I'm on this track and consciously making things happen, then I'm good with it.
This has happened to me the past two nights. On Friday I had to be up early for work, and I was running on only 2-3 hours of sleep. It was a full day of work, and needless to say I was pretty tired when I made it home. I decided to throw off responsibilities, went to bed around 8 to do some hardcore reading (my Friday evenings are so exciting), and try to get to sleep at a reasonable hour and wake up early Saturday, another off day, and continue to work on job stuff. And in case you are wondering by hardcore reading I don't mean porn.
My plan would have been sound but for two things; 1. Even though I was so tired and running on very little sleep, it was still the wee hours of the morning before I was able to get some shut eye. My brain was just refusing to shut down!! 2. This isn't of itself a bad thing since I wasnt' scheduled for work on Saturday and I have no qualms about sleeping in, but at 7:30am I received a phone call from work that everyone was sick and they really needed someone to come in and work at 9. Now, I didn't have to answer the phone - I pretty much knew it would be work since no one else really calls me, being the lonely dude that I am - but I did, and I can always use the extra cash, so I agreed to come in and work for a few hours this morning.
So now I'm working on about 5 hours sleep over the past few days. I get home from work with good intentions, but decide that I"m too damn tired and need a nap. It was a good nap, but I still don't feel that refreshed from it, and don't have much motivation to put in the effort on job related stuff. I also need to do some housecleaning and really don't feell like that either, so here I am making a post.
I've learned enough about myself to realize that on days like this I really just need to let non-pressing things go. Restarting my career is very important to me, but whether I find a job in the next few weeks or a couple of months isn't really that important. As long as I'm on this track and consciously making things happen, then I'm good with it.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Job Search: Day 1
I consider today the start of my official search for a new career/life. It was very exciting. Here's what I accomplished today (which was a day off from my current crappy, wage slave job):
1. Browsed the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry (OMSI) site and job pages. Discovered two jobs which I am both intersted in and qualified for. Pay is good. OMSI is a very good , nationally recognized Museum, getting a job there would be, I believe, positive career move.
2. Browsed museum job postings on museum job search sites. Some interesting stuff out there, but not too much.
3. Browsed museum web pages in cities i'm interested in moving to in both the U.S and Canada. There appear to be many options and possible jobs for me out there. Very exciting. Pay appears to be good at most places for the types of jobs I'm interested in. Feeling good about decision.
4. Read through some of "The Resume Makeover", book that I borrowed from the Eugene Public Library. Actually had some very good tips and am excited to implement them into my current resume.
Results: Not a big production day, but a good start anyway. This is the way I work best, getting to know the lay of the land, scouting things out, getting a feel for the world i'm entering before moving onto production. My plan over the next few days is to revise my resume, work on some cover letters and continue to browse and explore museum web sites and job search sites. I dont' envision sending out resumes for another week or so, with the possible exception being OMSI.
I also took a walk up and over the hill (big hill) behind my apartment, which my first time doing so, ran into a co-worker, and had a nice, long conversation with a friend from NC, and am currently drinking a beer (Blue, perhaps in preparation for my return to Canada...). Overall a very good day off.
1. Browsed the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry (OMSI) site and job pages. Discovered two jobs which I am both intersted in and qualified for. Pay is good. OMSI is a very good , nationally recognized Museum, getting a job there would be, I believe, positive career move.
2. Browsed museum job postings on museum job search sites. Some interesting stuff out there, but not too much.
3. Browsed museum web pages in cities i'm interested in moving to in both the U.S and Canada. There appear to be many options and possible jobs for me out there. Very exciting. Pay appears to be good at most places for the types of jobs I'm interested in. Feeling good about decision.
4. Read through some of "The Resume Makeover", book that I borrowed from the Eugene Public Library. Actually had some very good tips and am excited to implement them into my current resume.
Results: Not a big production day, but a good start anyway. This is the way I work best, getting to know the lay of the land, scouting things out, getting a feel for the world i'm entering before moving onto production. My plan over the next few days is to revise my resume, work on some cover letters and continue to browse and explore museum web sites and job search sites. I dont' envision sending out resumes for another week or so, with the possible exception being OMSI.
I also took a walk up and over the hill (big hill) behind my apartment, which my first time doing so, ran into a co-worker, and had a nice, long conversation with a friend from NC, and am currently drinking a beer (Blue, perhaps in preparation for my return to Canada...). Overall a very good day off.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Holiday Break, Return, Decisions and Compound Swears
I took a break over the holidays, not for any important reason, but mainly due to laziness and lack of motivation. I did use the time to seriously contemplate my life and my direction, and I have come to (sort of) a decision.
As I've known all along, there is nothing keeping me in Eugene. It's, quite frankly, stupid to stay here, unless a really interesting, well paying job suddenly comes out of the woodworks and slaps me on the ass. Baring that, I'm outta here. Since I'm not actively looking for employment in Eugene, it's not likely to happen.
My destination is still unclear although I have narrowed it to a few prominent choices, with my usual built in flexibility and loop holes mingled in for good measure and bet hedging. In no order, here are my priorities:
1. Visit Portland to check out museums and the zoo as potential employers.
2. Send resumes to museums throughout Canada, preferably towards the east coast.
3. Send out resumes to available positions throughout the U.S. in cities that interest me, again preferably east.
The only Western city i'm really intersted in is Portland. Seattle might be alright, and Vancouver would be acceptable. I have no interest living in California again (spent 2 years in Sacramento), and although Hawaii would be absolutely amazing, my ex-inlaws live on the Big Island, and I'd probably get island fever. So, other than Portland or Vancouver, i'm likely to end up back in the east.
That's it. It's simple, basic, and allows me lost of flexibility and options. Perfect!! I've decided to go with the Career/Job as priority, with broad parameters about acceptable cities/places I will move to. My preference is to move to a big city, but for the right job I will consider a smaller 'town' as well, but my bet is that I will end up in a metropolitan type environment. Go me!
Now, on to 'Swears'.
Through my recent trollings on Craigslist, I've developed a facination with compound swear words. For example, is there any better swear word available for today's busy denigrator than 'Assclown'? How can you be upset when you're called something like that? And yet the sayee of the word has the satisfaction of totally slagging on somebody. It's win/win.
Another good compound swear that I've come to admire, although it's slightly more harsh to deliver it, is 'Fucktard'. Seriously, who comes up with these things? A big salute to the creators of compound swears!!
As I've known all along, there is nothing keeping me in Eugene. It's, quite frankly, stupid to stay here, unless a really interesting, well paying job suddenly comes out of the woodworks and slaps me on the ass. Baring that, I'm outta here. Since I'm not actively looking for employment in Eugene, it's not likely to happen.
My destination is still unclear although I have narrowed it to a few prominent choices, with my usual built in flexibility and loop holes mingled in for good measure and bet hedging. In no order, here are my priorities:
1. Visit Portland to check out museums and the zoo as potential employers.
2. Send resumes to museums throughout Canada, preferably towards the east coast.
3. Send out resumes to available positions throughout the U.S. in cities that interest me, again preferably east.
The only Western city i'm really intersted in is Portland. Seattle might be alright, and Vancouver would be acceptable. I have no interest living in California again (spent 2 years in Sacramento), and although Hawaii would be absolutely amazing, my ex-inlaws live on the Big Island, and I'd probably get island fever. So, other than Portland or Vancouver, i'm likely to end up back in the east.
That's it. It's simple, basic, and allows me lost of flexibility and options. Perfect!! I've decided to go with the Career/Job as priority, with broad parameters about acceptable cities/places I will move to. My preference is to move to a big city, but for the right job I will consider a smaller 'town' as well, but my bet is that I will end up in a metropolitan type environment. Go me!
Now, on to 'Swears'.
Through my recent trollings on Craigslist, I've developed a facination with compound swear words. For example, is there any better swear word available for today's busy denigrator than 'Assclown'? How can you be upset when you're called something like that? And yet the sayee of the word has the satisfaction of totally slagging on somebody. It's win/win.
Another good compound swear that I've come to admire, although it's slightly more harsh to deliver it, is 'Fucktard'. Seriously, who comes up with these things? A big salute to the creators of compound swears!!
