Zero Readership

So, my boss was fired this past week. I have mixed feelings over the event. On the one hand I think he was a jerk, and totally screwed me around and undermined my attitude about working at the stink hole that I work at, while on the other hand he did me some good turns and cut me some slack in situations so that a little, teeny bit of me feels bad. He also has a family, two kids, so I hope he is able to gain employment elsewhere, and maybe he can grow from his experience.

The atmosphere at work has been pretty dismal for a long time, though, and I can already feel a change in people's attitudes, my own included. And seriously, he was really, really crappy at his job and did minimal work to try to correct his issues. He really deserverd what he received. He reaped, and he sowed. He was a good mirror for me, actually, in that I have, or have had, similar attitudes towards a lot of things as he has. He allows me to look at myself and say, 'dude, you gotta change some of your behaviours'. Hopefully I can grow from his experience too.

I've been reading up on Gnosticism lately, rather than working on resumes of course, and I'm finding it a very intersting path. I'm not sure why I mentioned it, but what I really want to talk about is a couple of dreams I had many, many years ago.

I had two dreams, bascially the same dream with the main difference being that each was set in a different location, so I will only describe one. I had both dreams very close together, this was about 10 years ago so I can't remember exactly how far apart, but I believe it was within weeks of each other. It being 10 years ago also shows what an impact these dreams had upon me that I still remember them, and am affected by them today. Don't worry it's not a long description as they weren't long dreams. I had these dreams while I was dating the EX

I was in my Grandparent's bathroom taking a bath and enjoying the relaxing, hot water. Suddenly many tentacles arise from the water and wrap themselves around me. I, of course, am absolutely out-of-my-mind scared! They hold fast and I am trapped, I can't even move any part of my body an inch. I try to scream for help, but I can only mumble the words and can barely project any sound from my mouth. I wake up.

During one of the dreams my EX woke me up from it as I had been mumbling and screaming in my sleep. I remember well, I awoke and I was still extremely freaked out, and I was in a place where wake/sleep mingle. I fell into the arms of the Ex and she held me for a while and comforted me. I remember it feeling really safe there.

During the immediate aftermath I did feel safe in her arms, but later I felt concerned about the dreams. This was the start of our courtship and my first serious relationship since I had broken up with a long-term partner about a year before. I think the dreams were a warning; my sub-conscious visualizing for me what my conscious brain had yet to figure out. I was becomming trapped in a relationship, again.

"The point is?" you might be thinking. The point is, is that even though I loved her and cherish the things we shared, I think I knew then that it really wasn't the right path for me, that is getting into a serious relationship. I've been playing with this thought for a long time now, even in the aftermath of the dreams I wondered if it was a warning, and I think my sub-conscious was onto something. I think I shaved off a too many important aspects of ME during my relationship with the Ex, and I think I avoided doing and pursuing too many things that I should have been chasing down.

At the same time, I have no regrets. I've learned much and experienced much the past 10 years. Things could have been better, things could have been worse.