Zero Readership

Actually, I'm not going to count my words. I could care less.

As an aside, I'm very impressed with myself, slightly proud, and feeling a little cockey - I actually came back to make another post. I am of the type of personality who enjoys beginnings, but gets a little stuck somewhere in the middle part. So, it is still early, but I need all the support from myself I can get. You Go Colin!!

I've realized a few things. First, I really miss Ontario. I grew up in Toronto...well, all right it was actually Scarborough, better known as 'Scarberia'; and that moniker pretty much sums up life in Eastern Toronto. I'm likely to move back there sooner than later. Or if not Ontario, then probably somewhere else in Canada. The urge has been getting stronger lately, and I've been contemplating this option more frequently.

This is also where my Grandparents live, I was raised by them, and they are getting quite old and I'm sure would appreciate my presence and assistence when needed. Even though I have many issues with them (i'll probably get into it later, don't worry), I still feel responsibility and a desire to help them as I may.

Now, with this knowledge in hand, most people would wonder, 'why not move back now? You have absolutely no ties to Oregon, no friends, a crappy job etc, etc...' Good question, and it was my first gut reaction when my ex announed she wanted a divorce. Move Back!! A few days later I decided not to for what I think is a very good reason.

Moving back 'home' is something that I would do, at this point, for the wrong reasons. I would move back home due to defeat, and running away from my current situation, rather than moving back in 'triumph' just because I wanted to. My life pattern has been 'running away' rather than 'choosing my destination' and it's time to break myself of the habit.

I had also considered applying for Museum jobs that interest me, where ever they may be. Well, I would be somewhat choosy about where the job is, but I would keep an open mind and a wide field of options. I decided against this option as well. Again, I fell that it would be a form of running away from my current situation. I'm not sure sure about that with this option, but I'm still not convinced that it wouldnt' be running, so, untill I decide otherwise, I'm not going to pursue this option either.

I'm working on a project that may allieviate some of my stress with remaining in Oregon. It was actually my therapists idea - he was OUR marriage counsellor first, but then I stuck with him after She and I decided to break up - and something he said that he actually did in his youth with some interesting results.

I wrote an Employment Wanted ad that I will put in the paper one Sunday. Here's what I have so far:


Looking for work in the difficult Eugene job market. My many skills include writing, program management, basic computer skills, presentation skills, animal care and handling, experience as an educator and educational program designer. Ability to work independently and in groups. I am looking for a job that will both challenge me and fulfill my need

Ok, I know that it needs some editing and I haven't actually finished it yet. It's difficult though, as they charge by the letter (I think) for these things, and I have a lot to say. so I just decided to write it out a little more normally and then edit it down significantly later...like in a day or two once I feel I've procrastinated enough. No matter what, though, it's a relatively inexpensive way to 'get me out there'. If no one answers, well I'm out a few bucks that I can't afford. If some people answer, but no job ensues, well then I have an interesting experience to relate. Or, hopefully, someone will answer with an interesting option, perhaps somethign that might be life changing. That woudl be very exciting!

I'll keep you posted, he says to himself since this is, after all, Zero Readership!! ...and proud of it...

I've never really considered starting my own blog before, but a change in my life is the impetus to get me typing. I've decided to use this medium, this means of posting my thoughts and opinions and experiences, and possibly share my vast wisdom (right!!) with the entire world. That's no small thing.

I'm going to keep this blog as a record of my life after divorce. I will use it as an outlet for my emotions and experiences during this most trying of times in my life. And it truely is, the most trying time I've ever had. For the first time in my life I am truely alone.

The ex and I moved to Oregon when she was offered a find position working for the state police crime lab. I left a comfortable job, the pay was decent and it was good, satisfying work; I was a museum educator. I developed and ran volunteer programs and after-school programs, worked closely with needy teenagers and trained them to work with younger students.

In the non-profit field you are never going to become rich, but that was all right by me. I was comfortable and I always had my wife to back me up. Although, even at this point, two years ago, I had the nagging feeling that she was quite as supportive as I hoped my wife would be.

Two years ago she received a job offer, as mentioned, in Oregon. It was a career move for her and the pay was solid. I figured I would be able to get work no matter where I moved, and so was all for it. I had always had a good opinion of Oregon and felt it was the type of place I could finally settle down in and really start building my life, with my wife.

Advance two years into the present time....

I haven't been able to find good, satisfying work. I haven't been able to connect with a social network (that would be very handy right now), and I am now divorced from my wife. Thanks to the gods that we never had any children.

So, here I am, 34 years old, no friends, no family, no one, a crappy job, divorced, living in a strange land, yearning for home.

'Why don't you go back home?' , you might say.

That was my first thought, when the breakup first happened. 'I'm outta here!!'

But then I slowed down my brain for a moment and backed off. Running home would be a typical move of comfort for me. Running home would announce defeat. For me to truely become the man that I envision, I decided, I need to stay here for awhile, not for my whole life, but for awhile, and just live. Just make it, make it by myself and be by myself for the first time in my life. That's right, I'm living on my own for the very first time. It's both exciting and very, very scarry.

My goal in writing and sharing this is both to have a place to express myself, and also to share with others my experience in hopes that somehow it may help them through their own difficult times and circumstances. People enjoy reading about other's misery and tribulations and for some reason it makes them feel a little bit more secure in their own lives. That's fine, I know my world is a mess, my life is shattered, but I'm ready to pick up the pieces and I'm ready to challenge myself to a new start.

Who's with me?