Saturday, December 10, 2005
...And Now For Something Pertinent...
Since this blog is supposed to be about my life after marriage, and how I cope with getting my life back in order after a series of defeats, I realize that I haven't updated my sitaution.
I've actually been feeling very good, very positive about myself this past week. I feel strong, even happy; I haven't been consistently happy with life for years. I believe I've had some low-grade depression for awhile now, perhaps for a very long time, so that makes my consistent, positive feeling of the past week a very, very good thing.
Even though I'm still saddened by the demise of my marriage, I also believe that I was feeling stagnated and smothered. I had wrapped myself up within my Ex and the marriage to too great an extent. Work was just an annoyance - something that took away from time that I could have been spending with Her. I despised having to work and would make any excuse to leave early and do what I could to limit my time there.
Yes, I loved her, and yes I still do, in some way, love her, but I'm starting to get some of my old, fun loving, love of life feeling back. Things feel better, look better (I smiled at all the colours and designs of the products in Wal-Mart), and, plain and simply, I feel GOOD.
At the very least I don't feel like crying every day while I sit in my apartment.
I've also been mulling over my future. I'm almost positive that I will be moving away from Eugene in the near future - probably in 5-6 months. I'm not definite about that, yet, but I'm having strong urges to either move back to North Carolina where I lived for 5 years, or move back to Canada, preferably Ontario or possibly the Maritimes.
I've been looking at some postings for education jobs in Museums throughout Canada. Now, I've been away from Home for almost a decade now, so I know things have changed, but man these jobs pay well!! Unforunately most of them appear to be part-time jobs, and I also know that $20 in Canada doesnt' go as far as it does in the U.S.
Anyway, right now I'm seriously giving thought to applying to some of these jobs and seeing what happens. I've reamained stagnat now, allowing my feelings and thoughts to simmer on the backburner of my subconscious, and I've allowed myself to do so figuring it's what I need right now, but it seems that I may be approaching some sort of decision.
I've actually been feeling very good, very positive about myself this past week. I feel strong, even happy; I haven't been consistently happy with life for years. I believe I've had some low-grade depression for awhile now, perhaps for a very long time, so that makes my consistent, positive feeling of the past week a very, very good thing.
Even though I'm still saddened by the demise of my marriage, I also believe that I was feeling stagnated and smothered. I had wrapped myself up within my Ex and the marriage to too great an extent. Work was just an annoyance - something that took away from time that I could have been spending with Her. I despised having to work and would make any excuse to leave early and do what I could to limit my time there.
Yes, I loved her, and yes I still do, in some way, love her, but I'm starting to get some of my old, fun loving, love of life feeling back. Things feel better, look better (I smiled at all the colours and designs of the products in Wal-Mart), and, plain and simply, I feel GOOD.
At the very least I don't feel like crying every day while I sit in my apartment.
I've also been mulling over my future. I'm almost positive that I will be moving away from Eugene in the near future - probably in 5-6 months. I'm not definite about that, yet, but I'm having strong urges to either move back to North Carolina where I lived for 5 years, or move back to Canada, preferably Ontario or possibly the Maritimes.
I've been looking at some postings for education jobs in Museums throughout Canada. Now, I've been away from Home for almost a decade now, so I know things have changed, but man these jobs pay well!! Unforunately most of them appear to be part-time jobs, and I also know that $20 in Canada doesnt' go as far as it does in the U.S.
Anyway, right now I'm seriously giving thought to applying to some of these jobs and seeing what happens. I've reamained stagnat now, allowing my feelings and thoughts to simmer on the backburner of my subconscious, and I've allowed myself to do so figuring it's what I need right now, but it seems that I may be approaching some sort of decision.
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"At the very least I don't feel like crying every day while I sit in my apartment."
that is a good first step. i think i said something like that the other day too. I am glad to hear that Walmart makes you smile. I usually just spend my days walking around campus and laughing at pigeons. yeah i know it's somewhat sad, but it's my life. i am honored to have been your first comment. have a good day!
that is a good first step. i think i said something like that the other day too. I am glad to hear that Walmart makes you smile. I usually just spend my days walking around campus and laughing at pigeons. yeah i know it's somewhat sad, but it's my life. i am honored to have been your first comment. have a good day!
Thanks for your comments. Walmart doesnt' always make me smile, the wealth of colour from all the packaging just caught my attention, somethign I would have noticed years ago, but haven't for a long, long time...
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